To Have And To Hold Page 2

  “Everything always had to go how she wanted it. No one else’s opinion mattered.” She grabbed a napkin from the holder on the table and began picking at the corners in frustration.

  “Like what?” He encouraged her, seeing her irritation and wanting her to talk through it.

  She made an unladylike snort. “The entire wedding. I wanted to have the wedding at an old church in Fayetteville, where my grandparents married, because I wanted to feel like they were there. A part of it. Since my mother died while I was in middle school, they were all that I had until they died while I was in college.” Her eyes filled with water, and she used the napkin to dab at the tears.

  By the jet black smudge underneath, Will could tell it wasn’t the first time she cried that day.

  “Mrs. Cardwell put an end to that. She said that the church wasn’t big enough to hold the guests who were coming. Their guests, is what she meant. One hundred and seventy-eight people she had to invite, to be exact.” She focused on her hands as they started plucking at the corners of the napkin. “I wanted cream and Carolina blue—”

  “Your favorite color,” Will chimed in.

  “Yeah.” The look in her eyes became warm, appearing more golden than brown. “You remembered. Brett never did.”

  One day they’d talked for an hour while he walked her back to her dorm room when Brett had been too drunk after a winning game to do it. She had told him that her grandparents didn’t have much money and could only afford for her to attend an in state college. So, she had chosen University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill because of the colors. “I remembered a lot of things about you,” he said, his tone low as he gestured for her to continue.

  “Like how stupid I was to stay with Brett, especially considering he made cheating his minor.”

  Will raised his eyebrow at her.

  “I knew. Everyone thought I was oblivious, but I wasn’t.” She shook her head, then pushed the curls away from her face. Determined to stay put, the curls returned.

  He would have laughed if the moment wasn’t so serious.

  “Brett and I got into a big fight the next day after he was too drunk to get me home. I’d had it and I was going to break up with him. Then the dean called me to tell me that he’d been notified of my grandmother dying in a car accident and my grandfather’s heart attack.” She stopped talking, closed her eyes then took a deep breath.

  When she opened her eyes, Will could almost feel the intensity of her pain.

  “Brett was there for me. For once in all the time we had dated, and he was all that I had. So, I stayed.”

  “People have done the same thing for less.” He wanted to pull her into his arms and comfort her. He could tell that losing her grandparents was still a deep hurt for her.

  “Five years, four months, and three days...to end up with a hairstyle I wouldn’t give to my poodle and a dress that looks like a ballerina’s tutu gone wrong.” She started laughing.

  He joined in. He always loved the sound of her laugh, even though in college she had done it rarely around Brett. He had to agree with her, the dress was ridiculous looking in all of its layers and mass, not to mention the puffy sleeves made it down right hideous.

  “Tell me, Will, who picks apple and citrus?” Her words were still filled with mirth and the light had returned to her eyes.

  He was almost afraid to ask. “For a fruit basket or a wedding?”

  “A fruit basket...only if. I don’t know if you remember Patricia Hargrove.”

  “Your crazy best friend who would attend the games and yell at the umpire and make silly comments about the other team’s players.”

  She laughed harder. “That’s her. Well, let’s just say that citrus doesn’t compliment her platinum colored hair at all.”

  “The blue would’ve looked good.” He told her.

  Kelli graced him with one of her sweet smiles. “Yeah, it would have.” She sighed. “I will agree with Mrs. Cardwell that Barrington’s restaurant would have been nice.”

  Nodding, he agreed. “I’ve been there before, it’s very nice.” He finished his coffee and refilled it. “So, where are you headed?”

  She pushed the shredded pile of napkin away toward the wall side of the table. “A cabin in Gatlinburg. The only thing I did get to chose was the honeymoon.”

  “Gatlinburg. My family did a few summer vacations out there.” He drank from his fresh cup of coffee and returned it to the saucer. “Isn’t it going to be weird being at the place you and Brett planned to start the rest of your life?”

  “No. Brett couldn’t be bothered with the arrangements because of school and studying for the bar, so I got to do everything on my own.” A sly smile graced her mouth. “Outside of Patricia, he was the only person who knew where we were going and I made him promise not to tell his mother.”

  “I’m sure it will be a much needed rest. It’ll be a great place to rejuvenate yourself.”

  “Yes, it will.”

  They both sat quiet for a moment. There was an awkward silence at the table. Will knew it was the moment he was supposed to politely say ‘have a nice trip’ and leave, but he couldn’t push himself to say it. He didn’t want to end this time with Kelli. He thought about her over the years and had wondered what she was doing, if she was happy. Pondered a million what if’s in his mind. Now, to have her close once again, he didn’t want to let her go.

  “Come with me.”

  Chapter Two

  He wasn’t sure he’d heard her correctly, believing his imagination was playing a wicked trick on him. “Excuse me?”

  Leaning forward as if she didn’t want him to miss her words, “Come with me, Will.”

  Nope, he’d heard right. “Kelli, you just had the love of your life stand you up on your wedding day. The last thing you need is an old college friend intruding on that time.” Damn, those were the hardest words he had to say. “Besides, Brett may come there looking for you.”

  “If Brett wanted to look for me, he could’ve started at the altar today.” She pushed her cup over to join the paper pile. “You’re right, Will, this has been an embarrassing day. But the last thing I need or want is to sit in that cabin and have a pity party.”

  “Meaning?” He encouraged her to say the words he needed to hear. Even though he knew he must turn her down, once in his life he wanted to know that Kelli wanted him. Needed him. “I’m not sure I’m the one that should be up there holding your hand. Maybe Patricia can meet you there.”

  For a long moment she just stared at him, as if she were contemplating the state of the world. Then her hand glided across the cool wood surface and held his. “What I need, Patricia can’t give me.”

  Electric currents leaped from the contact of their skin and warm heat radiated under her hand and snaked up his arm, but he never ventured away from her gaze. “And that is?” Tell me you want me. Will’s inner voice pleaded.

  “I want you,” she confirmed.

  Will’s heart sang. He felt like Gene Kelly in Sing in the Rain. He wanted to run outside and yell at the top of his lungs. But, he resisted the urge. Kelli didn’t know what she was asking. She didn’t know what being with him would truly entail. “I don’t think it will be wise—”

  “Why, are you seeing someone? Is that the issue?”

  He noticed a shadow moving across her eyes. Did that mean that it would hurt her to know someone else was in my life?

  “No.” He looked down at her hand, a classic sienna brown, resting on his light tan one. “Kelli, there’s more differences between the two of us than the color of our skin.”

  She pulled her hand back and cool air replaced the warmth that was there from her touch.

  “What do you mean?”

  His eyes met her light brown ones. “There’s things about me you don’t know. Things I’m not sure you’d be ready to find out or could even handle.” Lifting his cold drink to his mouth he sipped, giving her time to process he statement.

  “Will, are you gay? Is that
the problem?” she whispered.

  Swallowing quickly, he assured her, “No, I’m not gay.” He had to laugh. If Kelli could read his mind, she would know that he was a very heterosexual male. “Why would you think that I was?”

  “I’ve known you for years, and while we were in college I’ve never known you to date anyone. Hell, Patricia said she asked you out before and you turned her down.”

  Yeah, her best friend had asked him out, but he knew Patricia wasn’t serious. Not to mention he couldn’t find anyone to take his mind off of Kelli long enough to date anyone. “That’s because Patricia only wanted to go out with me to make her boyfriend jealous. Did she and Lee finally marry?”

  “No, they broke up shortly after graduation and Patricia met and fell in love with a wonderful guy name Carl, who was an officer in the military, and she married him in traditional Tricia way, fast.”

  They both smiled and nodded their heads in agreement. He and Patricia had a few courses together and the exciting, smart black girl with the platinum hair always provided entertainment.

  “So, if it’s not a relationship, then I guess your job won’t let you off.” She sighed and slumped down some in her seat. “I’d say that I can understand that, but since Brett made me quit working over a month ago...” Her words drifted off.

  “My job is not a problem. I actually started my vacation today. I work for the mayor and when she takes time off with her family during the summer, she makes the office do the same.” I take it you didn’t want to give up your career.” It wasn’t a question, but a statement of fact he’d gathered from her tone.

  “Nope, but where Brett is concerned you don’t get much choice.” A half-hearted laugh came out of her mouth then she fell silent. “Will, I know you think that I’m just having some random spur of the moment decision. And you know what, you’re right. But, over the last two hours alone in my car I had a lot of time to think.”

  Will noticed the water beginning to fill her eyes again, and the sight caused his heart to ache.

  “I’ve spent the last years of my life living it how Brett wanted. Maybe, because I didn’t have enough backbone to tell him no or because I just wanted to hold onto someone since my grandparents left. I don’t know. But, I did it. Now, I want something for me.”

  “Honestly, Kelli, I care a lot about you.” He pushed his pride aside and revealed part of the truth to her. “I always have, but I will not be your rebound.” His cock leaped in disagreement with his words. It would have been happy for any reason to slide inside of Kelli Delaney.

  “You won’t. You’ll be my freedom. Being with you will be my declaration of independence.” Reaching across the table, this time she clasped his hand in both of hers as if imploring him to understand. “Not from Brett, but to myself. Brett was the only guy I’ve been with and, if I have sex with you, I’ll be able to cut all ties forever.”

  Squeezing her fingers, he intertwined them around his. He looked down at their hands once again, giving himself time to think. Can I do this? Can I go away with Kelli and make love to her? He refused to listen to his libido that was roaring loudly to commit, say yes. A clear mind was what he needed. Over the years he fantasized about all the things he wanted to do with and to Kelli. He wondered a million times over how she would respond to his dark passions. The side of himself he had only revealed to a few close friends.

  But, his heart pushed him to be honest with her. If she truly wanted to spend the time with him at a cabin made for lovers, then she’d have to know what she was in for. Then, if she wanted to change her mind, they would part as friends and walk out of each other’s lives once again.

  Please let her agree. The small voice inside of him made a supplication as he pulled his hand from hers. He could feel sweat sliding down his back again and he was afraid his hands may have been next.

  “Kelli, let’s go outside. What I have to tell you isn’t for family diners’ ears.” His life was private and over the years of being the public relations person for the mayor he had learned to maintain an impeccable public appearance. He wasn’t ashamed of his fascinations, just didn’t want them publicized and reflecting negatively on his employer.

  When she agreed, he tossed enough money on the table to cover their beverages and then some. Standing, he waited until Kelli maneuvered the bulk of her dress out of the seat then, placing a hand on the small of her back, walked out the restaurant with her. He had to admit he was impressed. Kelli was the only person he knew who could walk around in a wedding dress, making it appear to be a sophisticated fashion statement. As if people dressed that way every day.

  The bright afternoon sun beat down on them as they strolled in silence until they reached her car and stopped. Will wasn’t surprised at all at the color.

  “Kelli, before I accept your offer I need you to understand some things about me.” Taking a deep breath he then released the air from his lungs and began, “Have you ever heard of BDSM?”

  He watched her brow furrow.

  “Yeah, I’ve heard of it.” She paused and gazed at him, her expression unreadable. “Are you into that lifestyle?”

  With a dry chuckle, he said, “I don’t think you can call fantasies and a few parties with friends, being in a lifestyle. Hell, I don’t even fully know all that it entails outside of my own research and experimentations here and there. I told you that so you have some foundation of understand of what I’m interested in.”

  “Wow,” she said and sank back against her car.

  Will could feel his heart pounding. “Kelli, you said that you wanted to be free of Brett and find yourself, I want to help you do that. Sexually, at least.”

  “So, you want me to agree to let you tie me up, spank me, beat me with whips, chains and let you fuck me in the ass all while I’m wearing a collar around my throat and calling you Master?”

  All at the same time, his heart stopped beating and his dick went rock hard at her words. Images and scenes flashed before his eyes. Her expression was blank and he couldn’t tell how she felt about the idea. “Yes...yes...yes...no...maybe. I’m not into collars around the neck.” His voice sounded thick to his own ears.

  This time he caught the subtle rise and fall of her breasts above the heart shape cut of her bodice. His gaze trailed from her full breasts up her neck and watched her skin begin to flush. When he reached her eyes he noted the constriction of her pupils. He was shocked to see that Kelli was having a reaction to her own words. But was it positive or negative?

  “I’ve never been in any position beside missionary,” she replied openly with a slight timber to her words. “You’re asking me to be your slave for four days?” She spoke in a hushed whisper, almost breathless.

  “Not a slave, more like a sexual submissive.” Stepping toward her, he cupped the side of her face and stroked her cheek with his thumb. “Can you do that, Kelli? Can you trust me not to bring any harm to you? Believe that everything I plan between us will be done in a rational manner.” He lowered his hand to her neck, caressed down the soft side to her shoulder, and watched her eyes shudder and close. “Nothing will happen between us that we both don’t agree with.” Moving his body closer to hers, he placed his lips next to her ear and whispered, “Say you want this, Kelli. Say you want me. Touching and tasting you. That you want to feel me buried deep inside of you. I want to imprint your flavor on my tongue. Smell your prefect essence for the rest of my days. Hold you in my arms and feel your soft skin against mine. Tell me what you want, Kelli.”

  He could hear her soft panting, and didn’t know if it was from excitement or anxiety, but either way her response was setting him on fire. The desire to peel the wedding dress from Kelli’s body piece by piece and make love to her with his mouth overwhelmed him.

  “I want it, Will. I want you.” Turning her head, she brought her lips in contact with his and sealed the deal.

  Momentarily stunned by her actions, it only took him seconds to join in the kiss. Remembering they were in public, he kept himself
on a tight leash but made sure Kelli understood the level of passion she would be getting once they arrived at the cabin. Using his hand at the base of her neck, he pulled her against him as he deepened the kiss. He began with what he had wanted to do since he’d watched her sweep the droplet of tea from her mouth. He glided his tongue along her bottom lip, lightly tasting her. When she opened for him, he slipped into her hot mouth and stroked her tongue, coaxing her to play with him orally. With a moan she joined in and suckled his tongue into her mouth. His cock became hard as images of her mouth wrapped around his stiff shaft played in his mind, but he refused to give into his dick’s demands for him to grind his hips into hers, seeking her heat.

  This was neither the time nor the place. Soon, he promised his erect member.

  When they parted, they stared at each other with their heavy breathing echoing around them. The sound of applause and whistles jolted them out of their trance. Turning they saw customers and employees in both the windows and standing outside cheering them on.

  “I think it might be time for us to leave,” he said, refocusing on her.

  “I think you might be right.” Kelli still appeared a little off balance but there was an air of anticipation around her as well. Or maybe he was just hoping there was. Whichever the case, he would make the most of the next few days showing her a level of passion she would remember for the rest of her life.

  “Follow me to my house. Do you need anything?”

  Kelli pulled her keys from her purse. “No, my suitcase was still in the trunk for this trip. Patricia was going to put it in the limo at the reception.”

  “Great, then after I pack we’ll be on our way.”

  She nodded her agreement, still looking a little unsure. Pulling her into a hug, he kissed her on the forehead than waited for her to get into her car before he walked over to his own. The rush of his blood pumping in his ear felt like ceremonial drums being beaten inside his head. The thought that within a few hours he would be buried deep inside Kelli Delaney, the only woman he had ever loved, made him almost dizzy with anticipation.